Here we go again!!!!(Stu's update)

Ok this is unfortunately not Kirstie sending you this message but her wonderful husband Stu. Kirstie has asked me to pass on what happened today so you guys are up to date.

Well I'll start from Friday morning as Kirstie has already covered Wednesday and Thursday so mine should be a happier blog with less tears ( except for my dad.)
Started off as a normal day really nothing to strange from the last few days wake up go pee, drink, talk, watch TV and play on iPads and phones.
Visitors of the day were me(Stu) Kirstie's mum, Chris,Caz,Luke and Logan (Kirstie's brother and his little family) and also Lee (Kirstie's older brother).

20:40fri
After that not alot when everyone left me and Kirstie just chilled out on her bed watching TV, when we had a knock on the door to which a face appeared. I hadn't seen this face for two years so just thought he was working tonight and he just wanted to pop in and say hello. I didn't even registrar that it was Rob ( TRANSPLANT CO-ORDINATOR) so I just said "hello" he must of thought "twat". Which I was, he then went on and said its very early but we may have some lungs for you. I got up and started walking around the room in complete shock looking into my wife's eyes and knowing that we were both thinking ' already! That's crazy we only sorted this yesterday and now we are here' all I wanted to do was hug the guy as all he does is bring me good news ( he was the one who said it was ago last time ) be went over it was very very early and there are still tests and obstacles to get through first.

Once Rob left we just looked and said ' ok let's do this' we took the phones out and called the parents we decided it was far to soon to let everyone know as we were so far off. Kirstie then had to go on bi-pap as breathing became difficult because of the situation and she was struggling her mum came over later in the night as she couldn't sleep and waited with us for any updates on what's happening she was worried about Kirstie as she was visibly struggling and in the early hours we had to get more pain relief so she could get some sleep.

7:00sat
Rob came back and said everything was looking good even our biggest worry which was the anti-bodies, remember Kirstie's were at 80% which really put the odds against her. There was just the final checks and it would be all go. More phone calls to family letting a few more people know as we were getting close.

8:30sat
Ok it's ago 'your going down at 9:15' this was it phones out iPads going Kirstie wanted people to know she couldn't keep it bottled up any longer it was happening and we didn't have long. Kirstie got worse during this time her breathing was awful and it was defiantly time to do this. I guess for her this was her first time waiting going through the stages and waiting to go down as last time she was on ECMO and didn't have a clue. I was so happy for her this could give us more time together to complete her goals and fulfil her dreams.

9:15sat
We start the walk down to theatre we get there take a few photos say good luck give Kirstie a kiss then let them take her through.

That's it my mind now thinks about her previous donor and there family and the two years they gave to Kirstie and what she did in that time you all know so I won't go into detail, Im just praying that they know what Kirstie did and that they got Kirstie here, she really did do the donor proud she was non-stop in her goal to get people to be organ donors enjoyed life to the full and finally she had a bond with them one that I know played on her mind. She didnt want to let these lungs go they gave her so much she had so much respect for what they gave her.

I was also thinking about the current donor praying that they didn't have to suffer and thinking about the pain there family must be in I really have no idea how they are dealing with such a tragedy. I was in pieces after Wednesday and I still had Kirstie in my arms for a few more weeks. I'm so sorry for their loss and all I can do is promise you Kirstie will give these lungs the same respect and love she gave to the last. And thank you everyday for the great gift that they have given, we will also never forgot the last ones also thanking them everyday as without them she would quite simply not be here. Thankyou

22:30

So here I am now putting all this down after spending 10mins with Kirstie this evening, she was sedated and will not be woken until tomorrow and we have been told the op went well.
it was a long day of waiting checking the time and trying to answer messages texts and calls that were coming through. I didn't realise how many people follow her and the amount of messages she gets daily I know she try's to talk to everyone as she well loves to talk to people and hear there journeys and help people through there tough times whether it be patients going through tough times or family's watching loved ones struggle she always does what she can to help and she always gets upset when she can't.
I have so much respect for what she does and how she battles she has honestly changed my life for the better. It makes you realise the important things in life and makes you wonder what others do and some people's lack of respect for life.

So that's it all up to date any questions just ask and I will try to answer until Kirstie's back up and running then she can have this back not really my thing but I have been told I have to do this or I would get a slap. Trust me she isn't afraid to hit me given the chance.

Thankyou again to the donors and their family's as without I wouldn't be doing this right now. I will never go a day without thinking about you and thanking you everyday for your gift not just to Kirstie but to me and the rest of Kirstie's family and friends we are all very very grateful
Xxxxxxx

Stu



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Location:Harefield

Bronch Bronch and more Bronchs

Well, I was re- bronched Tuesday and was hoping I would be sent home today. Things have not gone well. The bronch was far less painful; I think I was given some form of opiates. When I came round this time I was far less distressed although very tired and sleepy, but I was tired before my bronch. No throat swelling this time or vomiting, thankfully.

Two hours after I was ready to head out, I needed to see the sun and feel it on m skin. The sun always makes me happier unless I’m not in it.

I briefly saw my consultant in the canteen and she told me 'no wonder you can't cough your sputum up its it like cement' But that was all I heard, so I didn't have a clue what was going on till this morning. I hate not knowing, not knowing if I was going home, when I was going home, would it be Wednesday or would they decide to keep me in.  I had spent all of Tuesday hanging around in a grump not knowing what was going to happen, finally Wednesday came, The consultant came around and instantly I was told my flem was far too thick and they had a real hard time hovering it out of my lungs and despite feeling better for it I would feel rapidly worse if they didn't hover it out again.

I’m now on salbutamol 2-4 times a day atrovent 2-4 times a day NAC 4 times a day Pulmozyn 2times a day, hypertonic 2 times a day and tobi two times a day. Yes hefty Neb regime but I need to clear these lungs. My right side is the side that’s filling up. I’m worried about it now. Will I get rid of this fungus? I’m also on IV antibiotics to keep my pseudo at bay which is apparently still lurking around and yep I’m being re bronched Friday,

I have been so moody this last few days, me and my mum get on each other’s nerves after being together for too long, she’s my best friend but when you have to spend so much time with someone in a confined space than your both bound to get niggly. Today my body is an aching mess, my neck, shoulders and back are hurting. My jar feels like they dislocated it and my throat is a mess. Bronchs may work but they are a painful way about it. I feel the aesthetic is taking a toll on my body. I have propafol the same stuff Michael Jackson was having and I will tell you now, I don't know what he liked about it. Waking up with a hangover is not my idea of fun.

So tomorrow, my wonderful hubby is driving up to see me for the day with our puppy. I’m soooooo happy as I miss them both so much, we both disgusted how we didn't think we had the money with me not working but I think we both decided it was beneficial to us and we needed to see each other, As grump bum syndrome was taking us both over.

I’m very sorry to anyone who has had to put up with my bad moods, but it’s really hard being away from your husband, your other half and not feeling well. There’s nothing you can do but sit around and yes I am worried, I’m worried what this means, whether I’ll get rid of it? Will I be a permanent wheezy mess unable to exercise? I’m going to have to reschedule my EMT(exercise to music) course now as there is no way I’ll be back the weekends and I don’t think I can catch up on that much practical, even If I could make it back, my lungs aren’t going to be up for it. I feel devastated and scared that maybe this won’t work and I won’t get back to my best.