Thursday 31 January 2013

Keep the ball rolling

So recently I feel my life is coming together in lots of different ways. I'm busy and I love being busy. Working at next, attending the gym with a new hard regime, training on pole, starting hoop regularly and teaching pole is really picking up nicely. The best thing tho is, yes, presenting might actually be getting some where, I'm doing a few pieces for BBC radio Devon on pause for thought in march and also I got asked to be interviewed for itv West Country as part of there 'from the heart' campaign for more donors, but a new twist has developed I'm presenting my own piece! Which will be used in my show reel! How awesome is that! I'm applying for workshops and experience with channel 4s 4talent to! I just love it when a plan comes together!
It's nice to feel the momentum of life picking me up and rolling with it. I just hope that health complications don't stop this ball from rolling. There's only so many times I can push it all to come back together. But hell ill keep trying every time because I know my healthy patch won't last forever and unfortunately I have been struggling the last few days with a lower than normal lung function, tackicardia and palpitations. I'm due up to Harefield Monday where I plan that my orals will have worked, I won't be kept in and will feel miraculously better! Come on my beautiful lungers we can do it. It turns out were a pretty awesome team after everything we've already faced in our short little relationship.
So wish me luck guys and hope I can keep this ball rolling
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Tuesday 29 January 2013

Fundo operation anxiety and fear

I've talked about the fundo operation im suppose to be having Here

Well they rang up the other week and left a voice message saying I can have it as early as the next week, suddenly the fear that had been niggling inside me hit, I couldn't bring myself to ring and still haven't. Thoughts swimming around my head and an all mighty no just keeps screaming out over it all.

I guess you might think me pretty silly, it's just a little op right? well no, like I said in my previous blog mine may very well not be and this was again reiterated in the letter I received about the consultation and it really put across just how much they don't think this is going to be simple. Nothing in my life has ever been simple, from treatments, operations and obviously my transplant (not that in any case is it simple but you get what I mean). I just don't think I can face waking up and hearing them tell me it went wrong. I can't face that feeling of the unknown again. I don't want the new scars either dotted across my abdomen or sliced right through the middle, I may have lots and I'm fine with them, iv come to terms with them in time but I just don't want to have to. The recovery scares me so much, I know in comparison to learning to walk and talk it will be nothing but when you've just built everything back up to somewhere, where you feel strong healthy again, to have any incisions in my abs will also halt my pole progress and training. it feels pretty soul destroying to be knocked back down. How many times can I keep getting up? I know some people may think me silly but all these anxieties from my transplant flood back when I think about it and its something I'm just not sure I'm ready for?

I decided to mention it to my cf nurse the other day when I was up there and ended up in tears feeling very panicky and having to calm myself before I went into a panic attack. I asked to see the phycologist to see if I can put myself in a place where I'm ready and I also have an appointment at Harefield Monday, routine clinic, where I will discuss necessity and other options (if there are any) the last thing I want to do is risk my health, but while my reflux has calmed and not posing Immediate danger to my lungs, I want to weigh up all the options and prepare myself a little more if this is the only way.

I'm just hoping there is some other way. I tried to be strong and just get on with it but I couldn't.

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Friday 11 January 2013

This years plans

So this year has officially started and I thought I would tell you all my plans for it so far!

-stay well and fit

-I plan to peruse presenting as a career.
Email all possible contacts
Look into possible courses
Create a portfolio
Create a show reel

-help organise and be in a 2014 Boudoir calendar for lltgl.

-take part in the British transplant games in cycling and athletics
Get involved with a cycling club
Get involved with exeter harriers and get a coach in athletics, mainly sprinting, but try other athletics
Get sponsorship and local support for games

-compelete VW T5 conversion to camper van
Go on mini breaks

-go on several holidays
Proper holiday/honeymoon with hubby
La with stu, mum and step dad

-hold a pole dancing showcase raising money for lltgl.

-become extremely flexible, i am very flexible already but I would take that even further

-complete exercise to music course
Learn to be a spinning instructor

-come up with another challenge for this year, something different and brilliant (suggestions welcome, also willing to get involved in other people projects)

-ultimately have fun and live every second with passion and thirst.

So that's the list, there not in order of importance but there all my personal goals for the year and things I want to do. I hope you all have you visions for this year and I hope it will be a extremely happy one.

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