Wednesday 7 January 2015

The world is a little less sparkly - Emily Thackeray

The first time I met Emily was when her smiley face looked round my hospital room door. I was still struggling to do anything for myself and feeling like I would never gain full independence back. I croaked at her 'you never told me it was this hard' and with that knowing look shes said 'I know' the look ment more then anything to me it ment that someone in this whole place understood just how hard it was and suddenly I felt like maybe I could get through this. Emily had a very magical feeling about her, a understanding and a way to reach you when no one else could. She didn't enter my room because she had a cold and didn't want to give it to me but from the door It was like she was hugging my heart and instantly soothing my troubled soul.

From then on Emily and I became great friends. Although Emily had been through transplant and all the horrendous things that came with it she was just normal in a very extraordinary way. She was like me very chatty and we could talk about the most deepest things to the most girly, pink and sparkly things. We often wowed each other with our blondnes and constantly argued who was more of a drama queen in our black sense of humour to laugh over our health issues.

In true style Emily was there every week often more than once bringing sparkle back to my hospital room through out my chronic rejection. She would bring Sophia her little girl who had been born through surrogacy at only a few months old to cradle in my arms next to me on the bed, while she badgered me about what I'd eaten. She was a true mummy in every sense of the word, taken on the temporary role to mother me when I needed it. We talked about my decline and about maybe having a second transplant. She asked me how I felt if I stabilised where I was and was to well for transplant but to ill to live my life as I wanted. I said I'd be ok with that. The next week I could tell Em thought I was now very ill and in need of that second transplant. See Em being there was the most unselfish thing ever because she had chronic rejection to only she was stable at the time, but every time she saw my face it was a reminder that she might be going through the same very soon. But she continued to come. I even rang her to say my goodbyes when it seemed all else had failed. I can't remember the conversation Iv blocked it out because they were All to painful. When I got my second transplant she was still there making sure I recovered.

I text her a few weeks later to say thank you for being such a rock and that I loved her for being so amazing.

When Emily was there I knew she had rejection but I couldn't imagine her being ill like me, in denile I told myself she would be fine. She wasn't. Em started radiation therapy, but she did stabalise. Thats when she caught pneumonia i knew she was bad. I went and spent a whole day with her and sat and pampered her. I rubbed her feet as she feel asleep and I let her sleep. She needed it. Later I painted her face as a violinist played ave Maria and she closed her eyes taking in the music and relaxing. We filled our bellys that night with curry and I knew that it might be the last time I saw her but I refused to believe she would ever leave us. We talked of what was to come, that she knew she had a fight on her hands and she knew she would give it her all for Sophia. No questions about that she gave it everything.

Things did get better from there but it wasn't long till she was rushed back in and I hung on to the end of the phone while she text me telling me she was scared. She even managed a text whilst on ecmo. I told her I knew she could do it and I wished I was wish her to hold her hand. She text me the last message I would get from her that it was mega extensive but she would give it her all. She hung on until a new set of lungs came and she fought many complications but there were just to many. She passed away on the 28th December. My heart feels heavy and I ache to speak to my friend, there were things that only em knows and I was holding on to tell her when she was awake. Now I can't. My soul feels so sad that my friend is gone and it hurts to know Sophia will not see her again. Her family will keep Emily's memory alive for Sophia and I vow to keep her memory alive in live life give life the charity Emily co- founded and I am now a trustee for. At the moment I am on IVs and awaiting admission to Harefield I know being there will be extremly hard as It was the last place I saw her. All I can say for now is I am grateful to learn so much from my dear friend, she reminded me of who I am and to always stay true to that. She reminded me to always stay kind, to live life and to keep smiling. I have so many other things she taught me and cannot be more grateful for my extraordinary friend.

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