Sunday, 30 October 2011

Trying to embrace new things even through the negativity

For about 5years of my life I have been extremely under wieght, to the point where when I had my transplant my bmi as fars we know was around 15, I obviously wasn't weight for a while before as I was heavily sadated and hooked up to machines.

I had almost completly stop enjoying food, on me and stus hunny moon in cornwall, we went and had 5* food and I could only eat a few mouthfulls of the steak and was full and struggling to breath more then ever. I was then unable to eat for sooo long after my transplant, another reason for my depression at the time, because of my tracky.

The only time I ate pre transplant would be social events when I would try and scoff as much food as I could. Which brings me to the main subject of this blog, people commenting on how much I ate, saying things like pig, garbage bin ect. I could just about handle this at the time as I was soooo skinny, I knew it was pure jelously, but these comments have followed me over to my post transplant life, I am for the first time in years enjoying food and I realise I am eating quite alot, but my bmi has only just reached a healthy number of 19, this to me feels very heavey as Im just not used to it, but im not starving myself Im still eating a nice amount and continuing to get nasty snide comments.

Im going to the gym nearly every day where iv started a mix of fit ball, LBT, core stability, pilates and strech and tone. I do about 2hours in the gym ever other day. with a mix of Cardio vascular trying to build up for my sponsored bike ride next year and wieghts to get my strengh up to push my pole dancing to the next level. Im also teaching and poling and rock climbing. So I would say Im very very active.

So what these comments are doing to me, they make me feel awful, fat and like I am som discusting being who cant control herself and eats everything in sight.

The one comment I truely hate is havn't your cheeks got chubby, yes yes they have Im on pred, they are chubby.

Well this is the end of my rant, im trying to embrace my new body and slight curves, but how can I do that with this attitude floating around me.

20 comments:

  1. Im so sorry to hear that peoople are being so cruel. You are extremely active, especially considering how much you've been through. I wish people wouldnt make such comments, it makes me so sad that others impact on so many peoples own images(this isnt aimed at you just in general)but what really grates me about how people are being with you, is that my friend who has CF and is a huge reason for me following your blog, is male, he gets odd comments about being skinny(being as you were very underweight)but nothing malicious because he's a boy.
    I hope that the positives in your life really can win over all the crappy narrow minded individuals who are saying such things. Always remember beauty is who you are regardless of weight, size etc,and believe me, your courage, your strength, and everything that you have done while being so very ill is more than most people will achieve in a life time, you are stunning Kirstie in a million and one ways, I don't 'know' you in real life, but what I know from this blog tells me that a million times over

    Ps-it was lovely to see Russel Howard put in a bit about you post transplant :)

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  2. Kirstie,
    I thought you looked beautiful, tall and healthy looking when I saw you on TV the other night. You are definately strong enough to ignore them, enjoy your food and your new life.

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  3. Keep strong and ignore their stupid comments! You are healthy, fit and now able to enjoy food after a difficult time. Eat what you like and sod them! So pleased to see you so well and enjoying life. Xxx

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  4. Ignore them!!! Your a wonderful person and coming from a larger person, whos battling the NHS for a gastric bypass, you do not scoff your face, Ive only just started following your journey today from watching russell howard and ive read all your blogs and not once have i thought you eat too much. x

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  5. My son, Luke, received his lung transplant a little over a year ago here in the USA. He gained 20 lbs after transplant from the steroids and is about as tall as an average 5 year old. He eats a normal kid amount but I know people look at him as he is a fat kid. As his mom it hurts. And he has commented at 10 years old that he doesn't like the way he looks and wishes he wasn't so fat. Just wanted you to know others get it...

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  6. Oh kirst dont pay attention to them. I personally cant wait to gain weight and even if u do feel or are abit more chubbier then who cares. Ur healthy active and i would rather be that then skinny. I will never forget how hard i struggled with weight before tx so anything now seems silly in comparison and i really dont care. It prob is jealousy. If ur eating lots and still hungey just choose lower fat options for a while if your worried. Xxx i also brag about how much i eat and people cant take the piss out of something u are happy with!

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  7. Just ignore them, not much more you can do x

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  8. If they are people who don't know you, try saying to them: "I'm recovering from a lung transplant; what's your excuse?" If they do know you, it's probably just jealousy or not knowing what to say (they blurt out stupid comments, without thinking of how inappropriate or hurtful they might be) - tell them how it makes you feel.
    You are doing fantastically well and probably aren't eating nearly as much as you think - it just feels like a lot to you because you aren't used to it. Don't let other people put you off! Good luck!

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  9. what arseholes!!! you are full on completely gorgeous and I am SO jealous of your figure! Ooh grrrr at the stupid people!!!

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  10. Im always jealous that you manage to look so hot in youre pics despite only recently going through a massive life changing operation!
    Don't let it get to you, you look amazing, and even if you had gained a little bit of weight (which you haven't- you look super fit and healthy) then so what you are now able to be happy and enjoy life which is far more important than if you are 5 stone or 50 stone. Dont let them get to you you're awesome!

    love
    An anonmymous reader!

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  11. You look great Kirsty, stop worrying about others, your life is taking of, you have a husband that loves you, a new lease of life,and a future!!! looking back at my daughters photos post transplant, we all lovingly called her hamster face, a year later she looked perfect, just enjoy eating, being fit and well, and be glad that your worries are now the norm for a healthy 22 yr old.

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  12. It's awful how a criticism can hurt when it demonstrates someone's complete lack of understanding your health situation. I've had it too, from someone who thinks - I don't know what. Except she doesn't know what it is to feel like me. The pain fades if you let it. Love.

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  13. I am so sorry to hear you are having to deal with what I can only call people's stupidity and ignorance. In the pictures I have seen of you you look beautiful and healthy. I hope you are able to ignore these comment and continue on your path.

    All the best

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  14. Hi Kirstie, please try to ignore these comments from people, they are so thoughtless, and I would echo what others have said, jealousy comes into it too beacause you look bloody good. I'm post transplant too and hate the chubby face, seems to get bigger every day, but its better than what we had before eh??!! Trouble is whenever you look at yourself it's the first thing you see!! Chin up girly, you're beautiful, brave and so strong. Steph x

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  15. After all you have been through......sticks and stones.....but words....no, you are worth a million smiles and hugs and no unkind words should ever make you sad. Remember, you and your donor are made of tougher stuff. Hold you head high and be very proud.

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  16. If people are saying this to your face, then you know their tone and if they are being rude, tell them the comment hurts if you feel up for it. Don't let them get to you. And then to play devil's advocate, if the comment has come by email or something, is there any chance people are giving you a compliment as in you look better?

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  17. Yeah people can be pretty nasty but their opinions are not important, they don't make you. I still think it is jealousy as you're still slim and you're tough enough to get through things the rest of us can't imagine and that makes people insecure. Fact is what you eat is none of their business and food wouldn't taste so good if it weren't meant to be enjoyed. My BMI is about 27 but I'm used to it so don't really feel it whereas you probably feel a change more. Muscle also increases it, which you might gain with a lot of exercise and that's not a bad thing. Also learned of your story from Russell Howard great wedding pics. Take care.

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  18. People just don't understand sometimes and their comments can be so rude and hurtful. I've had some similar comments from when I was on prednisone. Whenever people commented I would be so embarrassed and didn't want to say anything. But I realize now that there is nothing to be embarrassed about if I need it to make me feel good that's what matters most. And if your BMI is 19 I would say eat lots of food and enjoy it too! And if these are people you know making negative comments I would try and let them know that you don't find it funny.

    Ps I don't know anyone else who goes to the gym that much let alone anyone who just had a transplant! That is amazing!

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  19. I dunno how much of an effect this could have, I've only seen the one or two photos you've put up so far, but daaaaaaaamn girl, you have NOTHING to worry about on that front. Your husband is a very lucky man, ignore the haters.

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  20. I can relate to this, especially right after transplant. However, I can accept because they are so happy to see you healthy and having full cheeks. They know these are signs of you being healthy. It is just hard to look in the mirror and look at someone who doesn't look like you did. The draw cheeks with a gray color.

    i am also glad to be able to be hungry. It has been 20 months since my transplant and my eating got better about two months ago. It is so great.

    you are an amazing young lady and motivate many people. i haven't been able to build up my stamina yet. i really want to get back on my bike, but my sternum is not healed yet and it really hurts.

    Keep up your good work.

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