Tuesday, 8 March 2011

The shakes

The starch rubs on my skin, the pillow ruffles under my ear, Cough cough, sleep, cough, sleep, cough. Shakes, jitters, breath breath, cough cough. Close eye, try to relax, try to let the tension release. Breath breath.

Today I am in a shaky mess, as the fosformycin pumps through my body, its so strong, i feel sick and unable to focus. Are these side affects worth it i have to ask? I feel awful, i just want to bury my head in the bed and sleep but even in my sleep i feel jittery. Will this drug work? will it make me feel any better? If it does, it will only be for a few days after 2weeks of hell on it, is it worth it? I'm not sure.

Never ending circles under my eyes, They seem to be there all the time, this disease seems to be leaving a trail over my body of clues. skinny arms, getting skinnier and skinner legs, my weigh is fairly stable but I just seem to be losing muscle bulk. I hate this disease I hate what its doing to me. 

I'm back in side room 2 on culm ward, it seems to be my room. I always end up in this room. my room is re arranged for comfort, but i forgot my duvet, its being brought in today.

My mind is such a mess because of the drugs, I feel this post isn't making much sense


  1. Sending you HUGE cyber-hugs...

  2. Just saw your interview on Day break and felt I had to log into your blog and offer my support.. I am not a sufferer and you make me thankful for being able to walk without struggle xxxx

  3. Peter and Carol11 March 2011 at 01:03

    We saw your interview on day break this morning, We were moved by what you said and how much strength you have. Our 14 year old son Ben died 5 weeks ago as a result of a head injury Ben donated his organs and 5 people received his organs, including a 6 month old baby and a man with CF. Our grief is beyond comprehension but we do get comfort from the fact that other people are living and breathing as a result of Ben. We would like to encourage everyone reading this to sign up to the organ donation register today, its simple, call or do it on line.

  4. Just saw your interview on Daybreak and wanted to offer my support. I have just signed the organ donor register, something I have always meant to do but never got around to doing. xxx

  5. and i thougt i was the only one fosfomycin didnt agree with! its a love hate relationship i have with the drug lol. its so strong it makes me feel sick and like shit but it seems to knock my lungs into a slightly better shape then other ivs lol! :) cant stop readin all ur blog u amaze me and uve inspired me to start my own :) then i can vent out my opinions and aggression without annoying my friends and family lol x