Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Hospital, daybreak and giving up work

Well 6 days off IVs and out of hospital and I am back in Exeter rd&e, my lungs well and truly got the better of me. Struggling to breath, I was unable to stand this morning when my delivery of IVs came and had to sit on the floor while the deliver man sorted through everything. I simply was so breathless I couldn't stand. Iv decided the stairs in my house are now my enemy and I am unsure what to do about it.

By the time I had got back to bed after the delivery I was in a complete state. I was shaking with breathlessness. Unable to even sort my tubing out for my oxygen as I fumbled around panicking. kia curled up next to me and after 20minutes I decided I would ring my mum. she made her way round straight away, there before 9am, telling me enough was enough, it was time to go back to hospital, it was no good that I was so scared to even be on my own and I needed to be in hospital. I eventually agreed after tears streamed down my face as I said kia wouldn't know who her mummy was, she would think my Nan was her mum as she stays there when I’m in here. My mum said that’s not true, I was he mummy and she knew that.

I’m on tobramycin and cipro IV. Were going to try a few new nebs while I’m in, just to see if they make a difference, meropenem neb was mentioned. My doc just wants to keep me at a reasonable level where I feel safe and comfy to be at home.

I really have to say I’m get scared of all this constant infection.

It became quit obvious to me last admission that I was not earning enough money to survive, with barely managing to teach any lessons and the ones I was teaching I feel I am sometimes seriously putting my health at danger as I’m pushing my body so hard, when I physically don't feel well enough. So I have officially closed my accounts and I’m trying to claim esa, if I do teach any lessons it will be with what I’m allowed to earn whilst on esa, but I don't think I will be teaching that much if at all, at the moment, I don’t feel I can.

I’m really sad about this, but I’m trying to think of it as a positive thing, a chance to rest, enjoy time with friends and family. I don't want to just sit around all day, so I may look into studying, or things I can do post transplant. I also really want to concentrate on raising awareness for organ donation.

Also this week I’m meeting with express and echo as I’m now the face of there organ donation campaign inspired by me and doing a follow up interview with ITV west country about going on the active transplant list on the 28th (as long as the surgeons give the a ok Thursday) For those of you who missed daybreak here’s the link daybreak Interview.

I can't wait till Thursday when ill know a 100% that I am going to be on the list Monday.


  1. Good luck for Monday. I'm sure you will be on the list but I'll be waiting to hear! Found your blog though Daybreak and have been reading your old posts. What a lovely, articulate girl you are. I wish, hope and pray for all the best for you. Charlie x

  2. Hi just to let you know that I am thinking about you and I am sorry that you are back in the hospital. I wish you all the best of luck for tomorrow (Thursday) and I hope that you will be on the transplant list on Monday. As for Kia I'm sure she knows who her mummy is. I am a animal lover and pets seem to know who their main owner is no matter where they my be. Take care and I send you all my wishes and hope that you are feeling more comfortable than yesturday x

  3. I am sure you will get on the list, good luck for Monday. Take care x