Leaving next

So for a while iv been struggling on and off with fatigue, unfortunately more so lately then not. I'm still trying to keep up my gym routine but the last two weeks iv struggled more then ever. I struggle everyday I go to work. I feel faint and weak. It all came to a head when I had a cold after another cold work just got harder and harder and despite my store manager doing everything he could to help. There just seemed no way I could carry on my job and fulfil my role that I'm suppose to do and there seemed to be no other way the job could accommodate me any more then it had.

I have a chest infection currently and will most probably be starting Ivs if I'm no better by Monday.

So still trying to go on despite bad fatigue, which made me collapse on Thursday, I went off to work this morning and realised I just couldn't do it anymore. I have a lot of time off and never feel better, the anxiety of turning up to work, knowing it would make me feel awful. I just couldn't do it. So I sat down with my store manager and told him I'de like to hand in my notice. Not something I had done lightly. It had been on my mind for a long time and I just couldn't keep going.

I don't plan to sit around, I still want to work and earn my way in the world and I'm hoping I will be able to start teaching pole again soon, something I can do when I'm feeling up to it and I only have to teach an hour at a time then I can break and rest. I can organise my lessons around me. I can't sit around, it's just not me, but hopefully some time off will give me chance to get whatever's making me so tired sorted. The doctors think it's ebv. A virus that you can't get rid of but can be dampened down. I'm also not resigned to feeling like this forever and will get my energy back not matter what.

So my last day at work is next Saturday. I'm so grateful to my store manager and all he did to try to help. So I look forward to teaching I pole again and also I'm still working toward my public speaking and tv presenting career which is taking off with my first paid speaking job booked in!



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Tummy bug, birthday, Neil's transplant

Well I have a few little updates. Just over a week now iv suffered from a stomach bug, it has been hideous, I have such a sensitive tummy anyway that it's really messed things up in there. I had some extremely high temps, faintness, sickness, diarrhoea , extremely bad stomach pain and general aches and pains. Im so glad to say the bug itself has now cleared up but Im still really weak and suffering badly from faintness, iv been to the doctors a few times this week having bloods done and they have taken really good care of me. Each time though iv had to be laid down and my legs elevated as I was so pale and faint. I'm just trying to build up my strength, resting but trying to do a bit more each day until my body gets used to it again.

My white cell count has dropped even more due to this bug, it was already low, at the moment there keeping a close eye but any lower and I have to go into hospital and have all my medication changed to get it back up. Having your white cell count to low means I'm to immune systems suppressed and if I were to catch anything else I would be extremely vulnerable.

With being so ill I've had a lot of panic attacks, this feeling of weakness has taken me back and has scared me a lot. It's not like me to have panic attacks.

It was Stuart's birthday yesterday and we did venture out for a couple of hours but that really took it out of me for today and we came back after finding out my white cell was low as I didn't want to risk being In crowds. We had a great day chilling out together and even that's a rarity these days with Stuart's work. So we thoroughly enjoyed just being together, well I certainly did. I love my hubby very much and find myself missing him all to often with the hours he works, hopefully that will get better soon! Stu was 28 yesterday and I found a grey eyebrow a few days ago :-D he he age doesn't scare me I find it encouraging, every year he's older I am to and therefore we are a year older together.


Today I had a text message at 2am, I didn't open it till 5am when I saw it there, it was from one of my greatest and best friends Neil. A guy I call bro. He has cf and he finally got his call last night! He pushed me around when I was in a wheel chair and I tried to do the same for him after my transplant when he got sicker, he was to stubborn and walked even though he was struggling. Neil was so sick recently he was in itu and I have to say I truly thought we were going to lose him. I don't know how I would have coped with that. Neil is now in surgery, today is the first day of the rest of his life. I hope my bro just gets the chance to live his life and do all the things he wants to, something he's never really been able to do. I'm so grateful to the person who gave him that chance, who signed the register and gave the greatest gift you can give, I'm grate full to there family for what they have done in such a tragic time and wish them all the love and strength in this horrible time. Thank you for saving my brothers life. Neil still has a long road ahead, so please with him a smooth recover and that he is home by Christmas with his little brothers and sisters so he can enjoy his favourite time of the year.


Im going down to Harefield Friday with a present for another friend who's had a extremely rough time and hope to see Neil. If I'm given the all clear from infection control as I would hate to jeopardise either of there recoveries.


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