Here we go again!!!!(Stu's update)

Ok this is unfortunately not Kirstie sending you this message but her wonderful husband Stu. Kirstie has asked me to pass on what happened today so you guys are up to date.

Well I'll start from Friday morning as Kirstie has already covered Wednesday and Thursday so mine should be a happier blog with less tears ( except for my dad.)
Started off as a normal day really nothing to strange from the last few days wake up go pee, drink, talk, watch TV and play on iPads and phones.
Visitors of the day were me(Stu) Kirstie's mum, Chris,Caz,Luke and Logan (Kirstie's brother and his little family) and also Lee (Kirstie's older brother).

20:40fri
After that not alot when everyone left me and Kirstie just chilled out on her bed watching TV, when we had a knock on the door to which a face appeared. I hadn't seen this face for two years so just thought he was working tonight and he just wanted to pop in and say hello. I didn't even registrar that it was Rob ( TRANSPLANT CO-ORDINATOR) so I just said "hello" he must of thought "twat". Which I was, he then went on and said its very early but we may have some lungs for you. I got up and started walking around the room in complete shock looking into my wife's eyes and knowing that we were both thinking ' already! That's crazy we only sorted this yesterday and now we are here' all I wanted to do was hug the guy as all he does is bring me good news ( he was the one who said it was ago last time ) be went over it was very very early and there are still tests and obstacles to get through first.

Once Rob left we just looked and said ' ok let's do this' we took the phones out and called the parents we decided it was far to soon to let everyone know as we were so far off. Kirstie then had to go on bi-pap as breathing became difficult because of the situation and she was struggling her mum came over later in the night as she couldn't sleep and waited with us for any updates on what's happening she was worried about Kirstie as she was visibly struggling and in the early hours we had to get more pain relief so she could get some sleep.

7:00sat
Rob came back and said everything was looking good even our biggest worry which was the anti-bodies, remember Kirstie's were at 80% which really put the odds against her. There was just the final checks and it would be all go. More phone calls to family letting a few more people know as we were getting close.

8:30sat
Ok it's ago 'your going down at 9:15' this was it phones out iPads going Kirstie wanted people to know she couldn't keep it bottled up any longer it was happening and we didn't have long. Kirstie got worse during this time her breathing was awful and it was defiantly time to do this. I guess for her this was her first time waiting going through the stages and waiting to go down as last time she was on ECMO and didn't have a clue. I was so happy for her this could give us more time together to complete her goals and fulfil her dreams.

9:15sat
We start the walk down to theatre we get there take a few photos say good luck give Kirstie a kiss then let them take her through.

That's it my mind now thinks about her previous donor and there family and the two years they gave to Kirstie and what she did in that time you all know so I won't go into detail, Im just praying that they know what Kirstie did and that they got Kirstie here, she really did do the donor proud she was non-stop in her goal to get people to be organ donors enjoyed life to the full and finally she had a bond with them one that I know played on her mind. She didnt want to let these lungs go they gave her so much she had so much respect for what they gave her.

I was also thinking about the current donor praying that they didn't have to suffer and thinking about the pain there family must be in I really have no idea how they are dealing with such a tragedy. I was in pieces after Wednesday and I still had Kirstie in my arms for a few more weeks. I'm so sorry for their loss and all I can do is promise you Kirstie will give these lungs the same respect and love she gave to the last. And thank you everyday for the great gift that they have given, we will also never forgot the last ones also thanking them everyday as without them she would quite simply not be here. Thankyou

22:30

So here I am now putting all this down after spending 10mins with Kirstie this evening, she was sedated and will not be woken until tomorrow and we have been told the op went well.
it was a long day of waiting checking the time and trying to answer messages texts and calls that were coming through. I didn't realise how many people follow her and the amount of messages she gets daily I know she try's to talk to everyone as she well loves to talk to people and hear there journeys and help people through there tough times whether it be patients going through tough times or family's watching loved ones struggle she always does what she can to help and she always gets upset when she can't.
I have so much respect for what she does and how she battles she has honestly changed my life for the better. It makes you realise the important things in life and makes you wonder what others do and some people's lack of respect for life.

So that's it all up to date any questions just ask and I will try to answer until Kirstie's back up and running then she can have this back not really my thing but I have been told I have to do this or I would get a slap. Trust me she isn't afraid to hit me given the chance.

Thankyou again to the donors and their family's as without I wouldn't be doing this right now. I will never go a day without thinking about you and thanking you everyday for your gift not just to Kirstie but to me and the rest of Kirstie's family and friends we are all very very grateful
Xxxxxxx

Stu



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Location:Harefield

Guest blog Transplant from my best-friends perspective

I’m Julie, Kirsties best friend. She has asked me to write a bit for this blog about her transplant journey from my point of view….

22nd May 2010, I wont forget this day, I spent the day with Kirstie at the beach. I got horrifically sunburnt, so that’s one reason I wont for get it, But another is that this was the day that Kirstie and I really talked about transplant, the realistic prospect of it, the process, the outcome (good and bad) and how we both felt about it. Up until then, I knew it was a possibility, but that was it. I also thought before this talk , and I guess after it too, that transplant would be a long way off. One year later it was becoming a reality, very quickly. I was scared.

Nothing can prepare you for seeing your best friend stop doing everything they love, everything you love doing together…including managing to eat a whole rack of ribs and garlic bread EACH!! (Kirstie you know what I’m talking about!!) But it was happening. We still had fun and a laugh, messing around with hair extensions, me trying to push Kirstie around Tesco in Maud, before she got to ill to do that. I was scared to the pit of my stomach seeing Kirstie when she was really ill, hardly being able to walk to the toilet, just 3 meters from her bed. Although I never saw her at her sickest in Harefield.

One of the best thing about mine and Kirstie's friendship is we may not manage to see each other for weeks, unlike we used to a couple of years ago, but when we do it’s always the same, we chat, we laugh and it never changes. We used to talk on the phone every night for at least and hour.

I do have a regret from when Kirstie was really unwell, and it’s that I didn’t see her enough. Although I knew what was happening, and it was totally apparent when I saw her, I don’t think I wanted to admit it to myself. It did hit me one day though, I was cooking tea with my boyfriend and suddenly burst into tears… I didn’t want to lose my best friend. I am a strong believer in gut instinct, my gut instinct was telling me that I wouldn’t lose her. BUT I wasn’t there for her enough, through my own fear. If I could go back, I would change that.

I was texting Kirstie as she was airlifted to Harefield. I remember asking her what was happening, she told me not to worry. I remember reading this, I was in my car in a bit of traffic. That text comforted me for all of a couple of minutes, until my logical mind caught up with me and slapped me round the face DON’T BELIEVE HER, SHES QUITE OBVIOUSLY NOT OK!!!

That was pretty much all I heard from Kirstie for weeks. I sent her lots of texts telling her how much I loved her etc…I knew in my head what was happening but it didn’t seem real.
It was a waiting game.

keeping in touch with Kerrie, Kirstie's sister, by text, by phone, to keep up to date, this was hard. A number of times I had tears streaming down my face, not sure if Kerrie could tell or not really.

Waiting to hear what was happening, knowing what Kirstie was sedated most of the time, was so hard. 180 miles away from her, normally Kirstie would tell me how it was, she wasn’t there to do it this time. Kerrie would tell me what she knew, and what the outlook was, and how long they thought Kirstie had.

Kerrie told me about the doctors talking about ECMO, it sounded horrific, BUT… a life line, to bide some time. I didn’t know all the details, or the risks, but it was obvious there would be some. As long as it gave Kirstie more time, and a rest, which undoubtedly she needed, I tried to stay positive. All this time I kept my gut instinct in mind. Not knowing was very hard, but also maybe made it easier from my point of view. I couldn’t imagine what Stu and Kirstie's family were going through.

There were the calls that came for lungs, but they weren’t any good. I’d get a call from Kerrie to say they had lungs, then another to say they were no good. Tears. Waiting. More tears.

Then on Monday July 11th at about 7:30am, Kerrie called. They had lungs. This felt different, I carried on smiling after this phone call, even though they didn't know if it was going ahead yet. About 15 minutes later, Kerrie called back. I was waiting for the call. The feeling was amazing. WOW. I cried, with total happiness. Then I had a reality check, someone died for this to happen, I felt an immense amount of sadness.

I waited all day to hear how the op went. I work in a children's nursery so I was very busy all day, so it did help to keep my mind off it all. Kerrie let me know it all went well, there was still a long way to go, but Kirstie had done it.

The next few weeks were filled with waiting, I saw pictures Kirstie's Mum was putting up of Kirstie online. I felt of proud of her for making such an effort. I had no idea what was really involved in getting better. Me and Kirstie had sort of discussed it, but to be honest I don’t think she even really knew 100%, can anyone? So that’s why you have to stay positive, everyone says that, but you really do. Look forward, think about all the good things to come. I kept thinking about how me and Kirstie would be able to have our BBQs again, take Kia for walks, go shopping. I couldn’t wait.

A few weeks later, I was on lunch and work, my phone went, Kirstie's name flashed up. I was so excited to hear her voice, we talked for quite a while, and said as soon as she was home I would go and see her. This phone call was the best I have ever had. Hearing her voice after everything. I had tears in my eyes. So happy. Its moments like this that make you realise, like I said before, that you have to stay positive. Be honest with yourself, but be positive.
Kirstie's journey has been a very hard one, but I know that she needed everyone around her, Stu, her family, friends.

I thank Kirstie's donor and their family everyday. Through their devastating loss and sadness, they created so much good and happiness. So brave.


I will be posting my director mels blog on filming the documentry in the next few days and also write about the friendship we formed.


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