I have many online friends, what does there friendships mean to me, some mean far more then others as with any friendship, but there are those you grow close to share secrets with and talk in depth, connections are made, you talk eachother through the good and the bad and the really fucking bad. But then something happens, they get sick and sicker and then they die.
I have had many online friends die, close ones to, the thing is you feel you have no right to grieve over there death, like the friendship you had wasn't real, but it was it was so real, we talked each other through the good and bad, I thought about you when you were going for you appointments I wished and prayed everything would be ok, We talked about things we shouldn't have had to, but yet i never met you. Was it as real for you as i was for me? Do I have the right to cry for you and break down at the thought you are gone, to wish and pray someone made a mistake.
I say my goodbyes, Mostly in quiet, post a piece or to dedicated to you. But feel unable to say how truely rocked to the core i am about your death. How I didn't get to go to your funeral, how I wished I could say a real goodbye, but then if attending your funeral makes it a real good bye and I never even got to meet you in person then was our friendship ever real.
I wonder if anyone gets what I mean, the lack of being able to share in the grief, you feel like you shouldn't like its not you place to cry, that is for the family and real friends, but I know some of them told me things they didnt event tell them.
Is my grief even real then?
I have had many online friends die, close ones to, the thing is you feel you have no right to grieve over there death, like the friendship you had wasn't real, but it was it was so real, we talked each other through the good and bad, I thought about you when you were going for you appointments I wished and prayed everything would be ok, We talked about things we shouldn't have had to, but yet i never met you. Was it as real for you as i was for me? Do I have the right to cry for you and break down at the thought you are gone, to wish and pray someone made a mistake.
I say my goodbyes, Mostly in quiet, post a piece or to dedicated to you. But feel unable to say how truely rocked to the core i am about your death. How I didn't get to go to your funeral, how I wished I could say a real goodbye, but then if attending your funeral makes it a real good bye and I never even got to meet you in person then was our friendship ever real.
I wonder if anyone gets what I mean, the lack of being able to share in the grief, you feel like you shouldn't like its not you place to cry, that is for the family and real friends, but I know some of them told me things they didnt event tell them.
Is my grief even real then?
I think so, a completely different illness means that I have some very dear friends who I've never 'met'.Some I'll loose throuhg again different means to you, I think your grief is very true, very real. Lots of love coming your way.
ReplyDeleteIts as real as anything, the thing I've found is that on some level I'm closer to my online friends than in those I actually know in person, possibly because you can talk about anything without taboo, including gory hospital details you might not necessarily share with your other friends. But yeah the grief is real. I lost a friend, I consider her a best friend even though we never met, and honestly, the grief was enough to tear me apart when she passed away. Its just maybe slightly harder to deal with knowing you'll never get that chance to meet x x x x
ReplyDeleteWhen Jo died I was heartbroken, no I had never met her or even spoken on the phone but I spoke to her nearly everyday, more than people I know in person! I think it is perfectly normal and when I cried in my mums arms my mum didnt laugh at me or tell me not to be silly, she treated my grief with the respect it deserved. People with CF can only have friendships with each other through technology (if they respect cross infection rules), that doesnt make our friendships any less important xx
ReplyDeleteI've had a relationship with someone online. OK I was 15 and people laugh at that, but to me it was very real. He broke up with me and later passed away from MND but the sadness still hurts today. Friendship and love aren't about physical contact to me but what that person really means to you. Worst thing was we weren't even on talking terms anymore when he died.
ReplyDeleteOf course your grief is real! Try thinking it through in terms of how you would have wanted others to react if you had died. Your online friends would have missed you and mourned you, and that sense of loss would have been entirely real. And I doubt your family would have thought that those friends somehow had less "right" to be upset than friends whom you had actually met. It is much more likely that they would have felt moved and, in some way, comforted by the knowledge of what you meant to ALL your friends, both face to face ones and online ones.
ReplyDeleteFinding online friendship is not hard at all. In fact, it is one of the easiest things to do all thanks to the latest technological breakthroughs.Online friendships will not just open your eyes and mind to an exciting world but, they will help you understand some of the cultures of the world.
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to grieve and be sad for the friends you've met and lost. Online friends or not, the emotions you feel are very real. I cant begin to imagine what you and the friends youve lost had to go through, but in sharing experiences and feelings with each other ye formed a very real relationship with very real feelings. Dont ever feel guilty for not making a friends funeral. I myself dont deal with funerals to well, so instead I drop a flower in the ocean for loved ones who pass away. Its meaningfull to me and a way of saying goodbye. Maybe something similar, meaningfull to you might help you say goodbye to them. There is no need for you to ever feel guilt.
ReplyDeleteI know quite a few people with a condition called myalgic encepalomyelitis (ME), and at the severe end, people can be bedridden for years and in some cases, unable to speak or swallow, often in a lot of pain. You may have heard of Lynn Gilderdale - some of the people I know, knew her. There is quite a strong community of online friends with ME and Lynn was part of that.
ReplyDeleteOnline friendships can be very real, particularly when the only friendships you can have are through the internet. They allow people to connect with others in a similar situation, and even if they know someone like that personally from their pre-illness time, they might not be able to physically meet each other.
The grief that people felt when Lynn died was very great and certainly real. This is an article one of Lynn's friends wrote: 'I have never known anyone who exuded so much hope'.
You might of heard of Eva Markvoort, of '65_RedRoses' fame. I didn't know her long but she was an awesome person who meant a lot to me. I found it really hard when she died, and even now there are still times I cry when I think of her. I never met her in person, couldn't go to her memorial service, but her part in my life was just as real as that of anyone else. I won't use the term 'in the real world' because the Internet IS part of the real world.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it is for anyone to tell people their grief is wrong. I don't think people who are well can understand how important online friendships are to those of us who are sick and cannot socialise in the way they can.